Max and his first extended jaunt

It's funny how one of our busiest, most adventurous days in a month came on the heels of one of our most exhausting nights. But then again, isn't that always the way?

Two nights ago, Max rewrote his feeding schedule, getting Holly out of bed after 45-90 minute bursts of "sleep". Except for one good 2.5 hour blast from 3:00-5:30, after which he stayed wide awake and then got hungry 30 minutes after his feeding. Finally, he allowed himself to be tucked in with me for 90 minutes before we got ourselves ready for our official weigh-in at the midwives' office.

Over the past few days, the midwives expressed a bit of concern that Max was still 4 oz. below his birth weight and they always like to see babies reach their birth weight again by the end of week 3. As a result, our feeding schedule and method got rejigged to attempt to get him to feed more and feed better. The biproduct of this has been a big reduction in sleep, but we were optimistic that the results would be worth it.

While at the midwives', we discovered two things: first, that everything was a lot funnier than normal (I wonder why) and second, that Max vaulted past his birth weight, coming in at just under 8 lbs. Woohoo. We hopped a bus home to eat or grab a nap...in the end hunger won out. Maybe not the best choice, but at least a good choice. We had hair appointments mid-afternoon with our stylist T, who has been dying to meet Max. She enjoyed catching up with both of us while Max continued to sleep in my wrap and Holly's arms. On our way out the door, T planted the idea in our heads of getting a bubble tea down the street, so we set off in the search of tapioca-y goodness.

Unfortunately, the Temptation Tea Shoppe (of course with double P-E...Old English was rampant in old Edo) was out of tapioca and for me that was a dealbreaker, so we trudged off to Bubblicity in Ottawa's PanAsiaTown - not a short walk. We each had a tea (pomegranate and raspberry...yum!) and Max got fed. We continued our walk home, but only got as far as Plant Bath (the local pool) before Max got inconsolable and forced us to pull aside for a change and another feed. Eventually, we made it back home after a quick shop in Hintonburg's Asian supermarket and a short ride on the Deuce with Hintonburg's finest. Max somehow fell asleep even after all that time sleeping in the sling. He must have had a great time!

Kitties vs. Max

So prior to getting Max home, I had been wondering to myself about how our two freeloading tenants (Bella and Lily) would react to a new family member. Holly and I talked it over and figured that Bella would be inquisitive yet understanding and cool while Lily would, well, be Lily and be aloof, turning tail at the mere sight of our new baby. As it turns out, we were wrong.


Bella was the first of our cats to scope out the new addition - she hopped on our bed right away and gave him a sniff. Bella seemed indifferent overall...until the first crying jag. Boy, does she ever go running! The best is that when she's hanging out on the main floor and Max starts wailing, she beelines for the bathroom and jumps on top of the toilet tank as if it were a kitty bomb shelter. In general, though, Bella has gotten a bit pouty. Before Max, she got about 2/3 of our attention when we were home and now it's down around 10%, reserved for when we're in need of a napping companion. Aside from this, she has gotten into the habit of getting into ridiculously pitiful poses right in the way of where we walk so that she gets noticed and, well, pitied. One arm full + one arm full = none left for Bella though. Hopefully, when care for Max gets a little less hands-on, we'll be able to rekindle the flame with Bella:)


On the other hand, Lily the scaredy-cat has taken to being around Max. Totally weird. The first time they met, Lily was about to jump on the bed but thought she'd check out the scene first and saw that there was some new creature there. Once satisfied that this being was not feline (and therefore not worth hissing at), she left the room, putting off getting to know Max until later. Since then, she really likes hopping on the couch or bed during feedings, just to bask in Max's greatness :) Being the less social (and dumber?) cat, she doesn't really seem to have noticed the drop-off in attention so appears to be as friendly as she's ever been. Still likes those tummy rubs!

We were a little concerned about how the cats would react before we got Max home...would they hiss and growl? Would they sleep on his face? Thankfully, they've been really civil and are afraid enough of the screaming outbursts that they afford Max a pretty wide berth. As long as they know where he is, they seem to respectfully keep their distance. Hopefully the cats will forgive us when he starts confusing them for stuffed toys.

Our first family walk

So this past Friday, we decided to pack up the kid and leave the house for our first family walk. We returned Auntie M's vehicle (thanks a bunch!) and planned to do some babywearing on the 25-minute stroll home through Westboro (although with so many new families and baby boutiques in the 'hood, we have taken to calling it Nestboro). Oddly enough, we ran into two of my colleagues who got a sneak peek at little Max, asleep in Holly's ring sling. Weather was nice - super sunny with a slight breeze - particularly for late September. We do seem to be having quite the Aboriginal summer.
Eventually, Holly decided that some fuel was necessary so we stopped off at a great little chip truck on Wellington to pick up a large poutine and an Orange Crush for extra nutrition (see photo). Yes, fries, gravy, cheese curds and soda likely lose us points on the granola parent scale but damn, was that poutine good!
We look forward to more (healthier?) walks with Max before it gets cold around here.

The first week with Max

So we're finally getting around to something resembling a schedule around here. We aren't actively enforcing a schedule on the baby or anything (the midwives and the left-leaning books we've been reading say that this is BAD), but we also aren't waking him up in the night to feed him either. We may be new to parenting, but we're not dum. I mean dumb.

Night one was a little wild, coming home with the little guy at 4 am and then thinking "OK, so I guess he's ours, now what?". Actually, I was the only one who had enough energy left to think that. Holly passed out within minutes of hitting the bed. We've mentioned it before, but Holly really found it to be a blessing to be in a familiar place with Max a.s.a.p. I think we all got about two or three hours on the bed before morning came. It would have been nice to get some more sleep but those blasted 31 years of ingrained Circadian rhythm seem to get in the way. We tried to keep visiting to a minimum that day, but we just couldn't say no to some family members who were only briefly in town (one of whom made a six-hour pilgrimage from southern Ontario the day before!!), nor could we sensibly keep Max from meeting his local grandmother. It was wonderful to get to see the smiles on the faces of close family, welcoming the first member of the new generation!

Many more visits with friends and family have followed - we are indebted to all of our visitors for bringing food, doing a load of dishes, taking Max off our hands briefly (like we could let him go for long!!! Sigh...), fixing our &*$@ fence and just providing some good adult conversation and missives from the outside world. Not that we haven't gone out - Max dazzled at a family birthday dinner this past weekend and has been to two medical appointments. Little dude LOVES the car seat (thanks CB squared!!), although going-out duds seem to overheat him a little bit. Is exhibitionism genetic?

One of the most wonderful things about this past week has been the postpartum care provided by both our midwives and our doula. After all three women partied with us (i.e. helped Holly deliver Max) all night long, the midwives stopped by for home visits later on on day 1, as well as on days 3 and 5. Not only did they take the time that Max was in good shape, but they also made sure that Holly was recuperating well. On days 2 and 4, our doula came by to make sure that the breastfeeding was going smoothly and to answer any other questions that we had. She also provided us a photocopy of her written notes from the birth, which was really special to me. While Holly obviously had other things on her mind at the time, I constantly found myself trying to store everything that was happening on the 8th to put it down in words later. Obviously, this is a little hard to do while trying to be a supportive birth partner so I wasn't surprised to find that I had misremembered things and event sequences after going over the notes. Like that part about there being no hot water just as Holly was going to hop in the tub - CRAZY!

Sleep was a little rough in the early goings. Max seemed to have difficulty sleeping without physical contact with one of us. I wasn't too keen on sleeping right up next to him in bed, so for the first eight days or so, one of us was up with Max while the other one caught up on sleep. Holly would feed Max while I slept and then I would wake up and lull him back to sleep while Holly would grab a few winks...at least Max would get the sleep he needed, but it kind of took its toll on us, particularly because the whole dance would go from 10 pm to 10 am and we'd have something like 4-5 hours of sleep apiece to show for it. Two days ago, we started putting him in a bassinet when he falls into a deep post-feeding sleep around midnight. He seems good for about 3 hours or so of sleep in between feedings throughout the night so now we're getting more sleep in less total hours. Yay!

Almost, but not quite, lost in all of this was Holly's 31st birthday today. It was a nice low-key day spent with family, friends and half of Ottawa's florists. Her first birthday as a mother; kind of gets you right here . Here's to a year full of adventures with our little one!

The birth of Max

So here’s the story…I was having a lovely and relaxing day on Friday, the 7th. It all started with a fantastic body massage in the neighbourhood and then I treated myself with a nice lunch at the Village Café. I got myself a nice trashy magazine (People – A Baby for Halle! Should I have read anything into that??) and enjoyed a yummy sandwich and salad. After the main course, I selected a dessert and kicked back with my magazine. I had read a lot about what it feels like when a person's water breaks and I have to say that it was much like what I had read about – a big whoosh. Needless to say, the big whoosh came right after dessert. In the restaurant. The lovely servers were great though - I got some napkins for my chair (woefully inadequate but it was a valiant effort) and called John. Then I jumped in the vehicle and headed home in VERY wet pants. John met me at home (after being found at work while down having tea with friends in the cafeteria – SO busted).

We called our midwives (the amazing Diane and Genevieve) and doula (the indispensable Gisele) and, after Diane stopped by to check me out, I was advised to sit tight as I was having no other signs of labour. I was also told that I had tested positive for Group B Strep and so would have to go in to the hospital to get some antibiotics. Normally, those could have been obtained on our own from a doctor, but given that the test results came in so late on a Friday, the only arrangement was to get them at the hospital. However, the antibiotics would only be administered once labour was on the horizon so, at the time, our visit to the hospital could have come that night or in the morning.

We puttered around the house for a while and made some calls. Then, we headed out for dinner at Swiss Chalet and a little grocery run to pick up snacks for labour. Finally, we packed our hospital bags and headed to bed. I had some minor contractions in the night from 11 pm to 3 am but nothing major. We checked in with the midwives again in the morning and they advised me to sleep if I could. So, I cashed that cheque and ended up sleeping until 10:45 am. That’s when John woke me up to let me know that he had spoken to Diane and that it was time to head to the hospital.

Once we got to the hospital, the midwives told us that I would need to be induced as it had been almost 24 hours since my water broke. I was admitted around 1 pm and hooked up to some monitors. They started the Pitocin (a synthetic version of Oxytocin, the hormone that a woman’s body naturally produces during active labour) at about 3 pm. I was then advised by the midwives that the labour might get a bit rough as a body doesn’t really like being told what to do. Yippee.

I won’t say it was rough but active labour (contractions every two minutes or so) came pretty fast and furious. By 5:30 or so, I was doing lots of breathing exercises to cope with the contractions. Given that Gisele was going to have to come in from out of town, I used my powers of foresight to deduce that I’d likely be needing her help in about an hour and gave her a call…

Gisele arrived shortly after 6 and Diane and Gen arrived shortly after that. I decided to hop in the Jacuzzi tub for pain relief but unfortunately there was no hot water! Yes, they shut the hot water off for two hours for repairs! Rather unfortunate but we dealt with it. Once the water came back on around 7:45, the tub was filled and I hopped in. I spent about an hour in the tub. In the words of my colleague Cecilia, “I’m no hero” so I asked for something else for the pain. The two options presented to me were some nitrous oxide (laughing gas) and an epidural. I was told that the epidural would take some time to arrange, as the anaesthetist would only arrive within an hour. While waiting for the guy to show up, I decided to take them up on the laughing gas, which would supposedly “take the edge off”. I’m not sure about the pain relieving power of the gas but it was definitely a sanity saver for me in other ways. The gas is self-administered so you put the mask on your face yourself when you are having a contraction. You breathe in and out of the mask all during the contraction then take it off between contractions. This gave me something to focus on and kept my breathing going.

When the anaesthetist finally arrived, Diane and Gen thought it would be a good idea for me to pee and get a quick exam before administering the epidural. However, when I came out of the bathroom, the anaesthetist was gone! Someone had gone into shock in the OR and he had been called away. I have to say that this was a bit of a low point for me. I hung in there with the support of my team, breathing over and over and over again through the mask.

Eventually, sometime after 11 pm, the anaesthetist showed up again. However, we decided that I was so close to pushing that I shouldn’t have the epidural (epidurals administered at this point in labour can really delay the process and prolong your pushing time in particular). Diane, Gen and Gisele let me know that although the contractions would continue in frequency and intensity, I could at least “use them” during the pushing stage for focusing and moving the whole process along.

At about 11:30, I started to push. It kind of started involuntarily and then I actively got into it because it was time to get the show on the road! Gen and Diane were amazing in terms of letting me know when to push and how to push to minimize the damage to my nether bits.

At 12:34 am, Max Julian Stardom was born! He was immediately placed on my chest. The crazy thing about newborn babies is that they enter this stage immediately after birth called the quiet alert stage where they stop crying, and seem to take in everything around them. Max’s eyes were wide open and he just looked around and took in the world. John and I really enjoyed this time with him. The great thing about the midwives is that they can delay all of the after birth stuff they need to do (newborn exam, eye ointment, weighing, etc.) to give you this time with your baby. We are so grateful. Funny note, though, after Max was placed on my chest, about a minute or two went by before anyone even checked if it was a boy or a girl!! Awesome.

The following two and half hours are a bit of a blur. There was a lot of paperwork to do plus the newborn exam. John skipped off to make some calls to family and friends while Max and I hung out some more. Gisele gave me some great nursing instructions and he had his first feeding. At 3:45 am, we bundled Max into his car seat (thanks SO much to Colin and Cathy for lending us their car seat – boo on our car seat still not being here!) and headed home. Other than some maniac who freaked us out by running a red light at Montreal Road and Ogilvie, the ride home was uneventful.

A lot of people have been surprised that we left the hospital right away and have asked us why. To put it simply, we thought we would be more comfortable at home. As it turns out, we were right: it was great to get home and snuggle with Max in our own bed. With midwifery care, the midwives visit you at home on Days 1, 3, and 5 so we knew we would be seeing the midwives in less than 12 hours. I was able to get in a good sleep and John got a little rest as well.

John was an absolute dynamo throughout the process. He was very supportive and wonderful. I think I almost crushed the bones in his hand a few times during the pushing but he took everything in stride.

I can’t say enough about our support team. Three sets of hands sounds like a lot but it was amazing to have all of this support and encouragement. These women are birth experts and it shows.

I’m sure we will relate more funny details and little tidbits in person but we thought we would post a “birth story” as a start.

Boy or girl??

OK, so about 90% of people think it's going to be a boy. How do people know these things? Is there postgraduate work you can do in gender pre-identification? Oh, well she's carrying low. She's carrying straight out. You can't tell from behind. Depends on whether mom's beauty has been "stolen", or something. When she walks up stairs, the first foot she steps with is opposite her dominant hand. OK, I made that last one up, but there seems to be a lot of theories out there about how to tell. I thought the whole idea of "not knowing" the gender was to actually not know the gender. I don't really care what gender the baby is, but I'd be a little bummed if all these ways to determine the gender end up being more reliable than reading tea leaves...kind of like finding out that everyone subscribed to a biological Ain't it Cool News and then spilled the spoiler:). However, the statistician in me understands that with boy/girl, it is the flip of a coin so you're going to be right half of the time no matter what. But it will still be super funny if everybody's wrong and it's a girl...

The truth about due dates

OK, so for the first 9 months of this pregnancy, we have been keenly focused on the 15th of September. THE DUE DATE. All arrangements need to be made, things need to be bought, everything needs to be just right because our lives are going to change on the 15th of September. No sooner, no later. And then came week 36. By then, we had been noticing other pregnant couples and keeping our ears open for stories of friends and colleagues who were also expecting or delivering and we were hearing more than our share of early stories. Three weeks early. Two weeks early. Another three weeks. Yikes! We weren't "ready" yet!!

OK, fine, everyone's actually readier than they think...there are very few things that one NEEDS when the baby arrives and we got all of those things together a while ago. It's just interesting that for nine months, the only date in mind is THE DUE DATE and then, almost overnight, you end up making the transition into "any day now" land. As it turns out, I think it's about 8% of people who end up delivering on the due date. And despite the fact that most people have been telling us that first babies tend to come late, I've also read that one of the statistical indicators for pre-term births is "first child". Weird.

So lately, the things we have been wishing for have been small: 1) let Holly at least get to the end of August so that she can feel good about the state in which she leaves her work stuff, and 2) let the baby wait until after Labour Day so that we can at least enjoy our visit with Grandpa in Peterborough. Now that those two wishes have been granted, we're getting a little selfish (oops) and wishing that Holly can enjoy a bit of time off to herself before the baby arrives. We're pretty together now and short of a solid day of shopping tomorrow and some nesting-type things that I'm sure we'll get around to in the coming days, we're a little less focused on the 15th and more focused on just getting to meet the new member of the family.